Going vs. Gone

The fourth book of 'The Jr. Pop Diaries: Year 2' is here! And we're getting close to the end, but don't give up just yet! Read below:

1. The Good and The Bad

Why do things have to be so bad? Or good?

We don’t know. People say God works it in his ways.

But God doesn’t always take matters in His hands.

I learnt it last year, the difference between going and gone.

---

2. Daydreams

Every time I wasn’t doing something, the vision of Tana leaning in and the feeling of her nose gently touching mine would occupy my thoughts. But the bad news that immediately followed were also troubling. The Bowers would move sooner than we thought. 

“Why?” Tom asked the next day. “Why did those rabid relatives of hers escape?”

It was him, Elijah, Cooper and me on a walk. Guys only. We share our secrets with each other. And that day was no exception.

“I don’t know,” Elijah murmured. He wanted to be at the crime scene to see evidence, but Mr. B had vehemently refused. 

“This can’t happen,” said Cooper. “Tana has to stay. Doesn’t she know she’s surrounded by family?”

“Now I wished she kissed me before the bad news,” I muttered, kicking a stray stone.

“Wait, what!” Tom stopped to look at me. “Tana tried to kiss you?”

I nodded, my face warm. But instead of teasing me, Tom looked even more sullen.

“Man, we cannot let them leave so soon. You haven’t even told her you like her!” Elijah thrust his hands out. 

“I know.” For a minute, I was about to cry. “But how do I tell her?”

“You will be able to. It will just come all of a sudden, that you have to tell her. I know I had to.” Tom smiled softly.

I looked down at the ground. “I hope so.”

---

3. Trust Her Lonely

We finished recording for ‘Trust My Lonely’, after ‘Permission to Dance’. We then practised for the music video, of course. And it’s all the general stuff until we actually shot the MV on the final day. 

Our costumes were pretty—regular, in my opinion. Nothing too over-the-top. It was like our daily clothes. Makeup was minimal. 

Before the shoot, I went to take a look at our green screen set. The video was going to be mostly computerised. They’d alter the green screen and add the lyrics and background later. So, for then, it wasn’t very colourful.

Tana came to join me. “Cool set, isn’t it?”

“If you love green,” I observed.

She smiled, then looked at me. “Good luck.”

“You too.” I nodded. 

She placed her hand on my shoulder, raised herself on her toes, and kissed my cheek. I smiled and watched her walk to the other girls.

Who knew that a kiss from your crush was what you needed to do your best, more than hours of practice?

---

4. Conflicting Feelings

Narrative Continued by Elijah

I got my detective skills going as soon as I got the word from Cooper. But then, with Tana’s news to move, it made me wonder whether confidential cases mattered more than keeping the gang together. I also had my secrets to deal with, and I shared those with Wylie. 

Both of us had to deal with a loss. Both of us were different from the typical kids, and proud of it. Both of us were JPKs, too, though I wouldn’t count that as secrets to hide from the common man. Maybe. I’m not certain. 

One day, I saw Wylie nervously fidgeting with her new T-shirt. I went over to talk to her. 

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess,” she said.

“Say, I saw you folding and unfolding that T-shirt over and over again. That’s a sign you’re nervous.” 

She let go of the fold. “Okay, Sherlock, I am. I’m just worried of what my mom would think. Would she want me to change, or be the same?”

I was quiet for a while. Then, I asked her, “What do you think?”

“Me? Why are you asking me?” She looked angry.

“It’s okay to take your opinion.” I kept a solemn face.

“Why should I? No one’s gonna make me feel better.”

“Asking yourself is just like asking Mrs. Wilson.” 

Her face slowly contorted into familiarity. 

“It’s the first time you’ve called her that.”

I swallowed down a lump in my throat. “I miss her. But not as much as you do. She may have been my caretaker, and perhaps my most favourite person in the world. But she…she was your mother.”

Wylie became misty-eyed as I got up to leave.

Something else came to mind. I turned back to face her.

“The reason I suggested you to ask yourself, is because you look like Mrs. Wilson,” I said with fierce confidence. “The spitting image of her.”

Tears formed at the corners of her eyes. Then, she took a deep breath. 

“Seeing me…my face…what is it like to you?”

How did I explain that? It had to be summarised in brutal words. But I had to give an answer, right? There was no choice.

I looked down.

“It’s two things to me: a burden…”

I gently raised my head to look at her, smiling a small smile, one tinged with grief and affection.

“And a blessing.”

---

5. Tha-THUMP!

Narrative Continued by Wylie

”It’s two things to me: a burden and a blessing.”

What did Elijah mean by that?

My heard was still tha-THUMP!ing. I couldn’t believe it. I knew Elijah knew Mom, but…I hadn’t ever heard him, or anyone, say that I looked exactly like her. 

Wonder whether it was true. To prove it, that night I took out dog-eared photos of Mom from my dad’s dresser. Mom had Polaroids that dated from when she was born. I pulled out her twelve-year-old self. 

My jaw dropped.

The girl in the photo—Mom— looked exactly like me.

I sat back on the bed with a thud!. 

Elijah was right.

I was the spitting image of Mom. And maybe it was a burden for all the people who knew her. Except Elijah. He said it was ‘a blessing’. But he—and countless other kids who my mom took care of—knew it was hard for him. 

For me.

I was still reeling back from the discovery. Then, I knew what would calm my mind down. 

I pulled out a pack of DVDs and slid one into our DVD player. I switched on the TV. The intro started playing. Bending elements, Chinese writing in the background, and the talk about the Hundred-Year War between the four nations showed up.

‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’.

Mom got the mega pack of DVDs for me when I was four. Since then, I’ve been hooked. I even begged for the sequel series, ‘Avatar: The Legend of Korra’, and I got it. It’s one of the memories of Mom. She loved the series as much as I did. 
It was a nice keepsake. I wouldn’t trade the series for anything.

As the first episode played, I pulled out a plush Appa and cradled it in my arms. It was nostalgia seeping in through the walls of the house.

Someone knocked on the door. I paused the episode and went to get it.

Elijah was standing outside. 

“Oh, hey,” I said.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

I shrugged. “I’m fine!” But I was clutching the Appa toy so hard I thought it would start spewing cotton all over the floor.

Elijah looked at it. “A sign of nervousness. Fair lady Wylie Andrie Wilson, why are you so troubled by your thoughts?”

I smiled softly. “I’m not a ‘fair lady’. I’m hardly even eighteen.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Yours truly likes to think so.”

I shook my head in a playfully scornful manner.

Elijah grew serious. “For what I said before…if it’s making you feel bad…I’m sorry.”

I looked down to hide my tears. “I’m not feeling bad. I did want to know whether I looked like my mother.” I looked up back at him, though my eyes were wet. “No one’s ever said that to me before.”

“That’s because they don’t want you to know.” He took a slow breath, and added, “I think you should.”

Something about what he said reminded me of something. I asked him to wait, while I rushed to my room and got something I hadn’t meant to give him, but then, I did.

Back at the door, I thrust the photo of twelve-year-old Mom into his hands. He stared in disbelief.

“It’s yours. You should have it.” He was shaking his head.

I placed his hand on top of the Polaroid. “No. You need to have it.”

He showed sentimental refusal.

“Take it.” I was still clasping his hands. “For my mom. For me.”

He slowly backed away, releasing from my hold and gently clutching the photo. Then, he ran home.

I knew many people to turn to. Elijah was—and still is—one of them.

---

6. Kids Goin’ Gold

Shiny and cool.

The best way to define our landmark song of the second year, ‘Gold’.

Here’s how we practiced it:

“Roof is falling—

Let me love—

Love, I just know

Roof is falling—

Let me love—

Love, I just know

Roof is falling—

Let me love—

Love, I just know

Roof is falling— 

Let me love me.”

Indigo started it off.

“Gold up in my, gold up in my teeth…”

We backed it up.

“Gold up, gold up in my teeth…”

I was next.

“Don’t get what you say to me, I’mma bite the feelings out…”

Backed up by a ‘gold up, gold up in my teeth…”

Now, fast-forward to our music video for this song, with a bonus: our old friends from Cityscape perform with us, including Tom and Tam!

Tana sang:

“Missed it in the basement…”

Us:

“Gold up in my teeth!”

Wylie:

“Runnin’ on the pavement…

Us:

“Gold up in my teeth!”

Pop, pop, pop to the drum beat.

“And if you love me, love me, but you never let me go

When the roof was on fire, you never let me know

Say you're sorry honey, but you never really show

And I could leave the party without ever letting you know.”

Pause. 

“Without ever letting you know—”

Chorus.

“Roof is falling—

Let me love—

Love, I just know

Roof is falling—

Without ever letting you know

Roof is falling—

Let me love—”

Beat pause.

“Without ever letting you know…”

Man, that was the best.

---

7. Tana!

After shooting, I sat back in a chair, tired, yet happy. It was great performing with my old friends. I loved the whole ordeal of filming, naturally, and it reminded me of EliTreLie. 

I glanced at Tana, who was standing by the window. The afternoon sun shone bright, and it sparkled in her hair. I could watch her on and on. But then, Tana gasped and screamed, losing her balance.

I quickly ran to catch her by the arm. “What’s wrong?”

She pointed outside the window. And I saw two sumo wrestlers toting guns. 

No, no, no!

We ran to get Mr. B and the gang. But they already saw what we saw. 

“What do we do?” Indigo asked.

“We have to hide,” Tana, of all people, said it. She had changed bucketloads from shy to brave. “And we’ll split up.”

The gang nodded on that. Wylie went to get Angie, as she was also in the studio at that time. The rest of us went down different paths. Tana and I ran to a staircase and hid underneath the steps.

“Sierra was right,” Tana murmured.

I squeezed her shoulder. 

“How long until we stay here?” I asked.

“Until they leave, I guess.” Tana squeezed deeper inside and motioned for me to do the same. I crawled in, and leaned against her shoulder.

I heard gunshots in the background. Were the Monites shooting people? Tana, scared, grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

There was yelling, too. Tana’s name and threats flew in every direction. Tana’s ears seemed to perk up. She slowly crawled outside.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

She turned to me. “They want me. Not you.” 

“Self-sacrifice? That’s not the answer.”

She kneeled in front of me. “I’ll be fine. I’m going to make sure everyone’s safe.”

My eyes watered. “Be safe. I need to see you back here again.”

She nodded, and stood up and ran outside. I hugged my knees and legs and prayed she came back.

Soon, the noise stopped. I slowly moved out of the nook and into the light, and stared at the scene.

It was like an earthquake struck the place.

There was dust and debris everywhere. Computers lay broken, some smashed to bits, on the floor. Papers flew in every direction. I even saw cracks on the walls, and bullet holes.

Was that what the Monites had done?

I saw the rest of the JPKs, Angie and the Bowers running to me. 

“Is everyone okay?” I asked.

They hastily nodded. “What about you?” Elijah asked.

“I’m fine. But…where’s Tana?”

Everyone became quiet. I feared the worst. Then, Indigo broke the silence.

“She pushed me out of the way of a huge iMac monitor falling from the above floor. I think she’s stuck there…” She stopped to wipe a tear.

I dashed to the place she was talking about. Everyone else followed suit. But we couldn’t find her, until we heard someone call my name. I saw a black-haired girl with bangs, her leg almost crushed under the weight of the monitor.

“Tana!”

I rushed to her and pushed the monitor aside, with some effort.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She nodded, smiling weakly. “I think I broke my ankle, but I’m fine, other than that.”

But from her wincing, I could tell the pain was more than unbearable. I put an arm around her shoulders.

“We have to get you to a hospital.” 

She shook her head. “No, I’m fine!” But she struggled just to get up, and fell back down. 

“It’s okay.” I squeezed her.

“I don’t like hospitals,” she murmured.

“I’ll come with you.” 

She looked at me and then placed her head on my shoulder. “Okay.” 

---

8. Our Mashup

Tana’s ankle got operated on as soon as we rushed to the hospital. Practice stopped on that account, also because the studio was in bad shape after the Monites’ raid, so we spent our days at home and school.

On a Sunday, I took a crutch-bound Tana to my garage, as I found something to cheer her up. I found us some chairs to sit on, and then, I pulled out a guitar stashed somewhere in the back. 

“I’m thinking you’ll feel better after this,” I said, strumming the guitar to an all-familiar tune:

“All it’d take is one flight

We’d be in the same time zone

Looking through your timeline

Seeing all the rainbows, I…

I got an idea

And I know that it sounds crazy

But I just wanna see ya

And all I gotta ask—“

Song change! It shifts from ‘Lost in Japan’ to ‘Funny’ by Zedd and Jasmine Thompson:

“The curtains are closed now, nothin' to see

But a dozen dying roses at our feet

Your timing is perfect, ironic to me

Showing up the moment that you shouldn't be, oh…”

Tana smiled in delight.

Then,

“Two years, and just like that, my head still takes me back

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Oh, we were such a mess, but wasn't it the best?

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over—”

To a chorus of:

“Hold your head up

You'll find your way home

You won't get what you give sometimes

When the dust all settles

And the smoke all clears up

There's pieces of yourself you're gonna find

Maybe that's the use in trying…”

Then:

“Legends never die

When the world is callin' you

Can you hear them screaming out your name?

Legends never die (oo-oh)!”

Above the guitar music, Tana asked whether she could sing the next part. I nodded.

“Oh, honey

I’d walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Oh, honey

I’d walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Like it's the only thing I'll ever do…”

I finished the mashup off with an “ooh, ooh” riff from ‘Funny’. Laughing, we slapped hands.

Tana’s face grew serious. “That’s the mashup I wrote, right?”

I nodded guiltily. “I found the sheet somewhere. I was saving the whole thing for some other day, but, well…”

Our eyes travelled to her bandaged ankle and crutches. “Yeah,” Tana mumbled.

I scooted my chair closer to her. “It’s gonna heal.”

She chuckled. “I can only do one of my two favourite things, until then.”

Had Tana changed? I could see that. Something told me that she would change forever. Would it be after she left? I didn’t know.

“I gotta go,” she said, reaching for her crutches. Her lips brushed against my cheek. “Thanks, Trev.”

I smiled, but asked, worried, “Shall I take you home?”

She waved it away. “Oh, I’ll be able to get around. I’ve been doing it at home.”

“It’s the road.”

“And I’ll be fine.” She smirked. “What’s it with you and protecting?”

I blushed. 

With a hop, she propped herself up on her crutches and hobbled out. I watched her go. 

The things I did for love, man.

---

9. Aang and Katara

Narrative Continued by Wylie

I posed, legs apart, hands ready to strike. I stared at the wall, thinking there were Dai Li agents in front of me. No, wait, not Dai Li. Better put a good villain, Dai Li’s not tough enough. Oh, yes, I got it. Azula.

Yes, Azula was in front of me. I took a deep breath in through my nose, let it out sharply through my mouth, and swung my hand around, imagining water swirling around my hand and turning into ice darts to hit at the imagined Azula.

But in real life, I ended up slamming my hand into the wall. Didn’t hurt, though. I became tough. 

I heard a wolf whistle and a ‘kind lady, your strikes echo the sound of a hurricane!’. Looking out the window, I spotted Elijah, holding a book in his hands. 

“Eli,” I said, rolling up the window. He was on the sidewalk.

He grinned. “Many memories come frolicking around here.”

I smiled, thinking of the time he and I played with soft toys in the backyard as kids.

“May I call you Katara?” He asked.

“And may I call you Aang?” I countered, but only playfully.

He seemed to take it seriously. “Well, I would like to airbend given the chance. And you’d like to waterbend.”

“Yeah.” I mimicked bending water out of a water skin.

Elijah spun around and tried to balance on one foot with the other folded up into the classic air scooter pose, but he failed and collapsed on the ground, the book flying out of his hands.

I giggled, leaping out of the window onto the ground and hoisting him up. I gazed at the book that fell, and strangely, it was an Avatar comic. 

“I didn’t know you read comics.” I picked the book up and ran my hand over the cover.

“You always wondered what happened after Book 3, so I borrowed this from the library.” Elijah dusted his pants off, then mimicked airbending the dust off. I instead showed a waterbending trick that will dust it off. We laughed.

Aang and Katara. Elijah and Wylie. Both pairs were best friends once upon a time. But while the former pair grew closer, the latter pair drifted farther. 

Sometimes fate always intervened. 

---

10. Go's and Stay's

Narrative Continued by Trevor

In a few months, we were going to go on tour. Tana’s ankle got better, and so did our feelings. We knew we liked each other, but we never said it out loud. I wanted to say what I wanted to before they left, but it seems like her hand is losing grip on mine. Was she already going?

I didn’t know. And that’s what I hated.

I was wishing that she wasn’t gone, but apparently, the cycle had started now.